I’m a day late. But more on that later…
January 17, 2022
Weight: 344.8 (+2.2lbs)
Fasting Blood Sugar: 146
Blood Pressure: 117/87, pre-medication.
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Goals for this Upcoming Week: We’re going to keep working on waking up earlier. Some days are great, others need help! Finish the English Channel Marathon! (You read that right! I finished my first Conqueror Marathon on 1/14, started a new one the same day, and as of today, I have 7 miles left!!!!) Incorporate more flexibility and mobility training into each day. And finish three big items on my personal To-Do list.
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A few things I learned this week:
First and Foremost. I absolutely MUST treat my recreational binge eating and food addiction as the Eating Disorder it is and not as “bad behavior that deserves scorn/punishment/guilt.” This is a mental illness and a distinctly patterned one. It happens late at night and it’s usually hundreds of empty calories consumed while watching Beat Bobby Flay and scrolling through TikTok because I’m in a pain and can’t sleep.
Even though the scale says I gained back 2.2 pounds (and I know exactly why that happened) I also finished my first 26.2 mile walking marathon with The Conqueror App. Confession Time – I gave myself 8 weeks to do this marathon. WHO DOES THAT? EIGHT. WEEKS. I wound up doing it in 15 days. At first, I hooked my fitbit up to the app and it started recording all of my movement. I didn’t want that to be the case. I wanted the walked mileage to be intentional to the marathon. As a result, I disconnected the fitbit and started entering my miles manually. I’m shocked that it took me two weeks and a day. I’m proud of myself. And already onto the next one. My activity between the first week and second week of January DOUBLED. That’s a trend I want to stick with as much as I humanly can!
Moderation, as good as it is for the normal human, is incredibly difficult for me. People always say things like “Just have a little bit.” “You can have it, but stick to the serving size.” “Don’t deprive yourself.” Okay. I get it. If you are a person who has willpower and can do something like measure yourself a 1/4 of Ben and Jerrys and only eat that – I BOW BEFORE YOU. That’s not me. If it sits in my pantry, I think about it. A lot. Like a drug addict thinks about their next hit. Because that’s what sugar and processed carbs are for me. They’re like a drug. So it’s important for me to skip adding things to my cart like rice krispy treats. I won’t eat one. I’ll eat four. And I’ll hate myself for it. I’d rather not hate myself.
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And here’s a moment of coming clean.
I almost didn’t post this blog. The inclination for me let it slip by and pick up next week was strong. Why?
Because my initial reaction to that 2.2 pound weight gain was “Oop. Fail.” You were doing so well. And then you eased off the gas.
AND EVERYONE WILL KNOW AND TSK AT YOU.
It’s a lie. Some of you may mentally tsk at me, but overall, you’ve supported me. The biggest TSKer is me. Myself. My own worst critic. My self-loathing has been the one thing that has stayed consistent about me over 35 odd years. I didn’t want to post because I didn’t want the crestfallen feeling of letting myself down. Oddly enough, I got over that moment VERY quickly. Record time.
I’m ready to stay the course. If I fall off the wagon again, there will always be a hand to pull me back up and a place for me to sit. The most difficult part is allowing myself the grace to believe I deserve to take up that space.
But I’m worth it.
Life of Riley 